12/21/2012

It's the apocalypse, folks.

If the United Federation of Teachers leadership does not sign off on a new teacher evaluation agreement that is full of junk science, an absurd observation rubric longer than War and Peace, a Student Learning Objective process so convoluted it will be essentially meaningless, and other so-called "reforms" imposed by the corporate education deformers, the world will end.

That's right - the end of human history as we know it is right in the hands of teachers.

Because the Mayans knew, when they ended their calendar on 12/21/12, that the United States public education system would be in crisis and only "Bolder, Faster Change" in the form of high stakes tests in every grade in every subject, teacher evaluations tied to those test scores via a value-added measurement algorithm with a margin of error bigger than the hole in the ozone caused by human hair products, and the immediate firing of as many "ineffective" (i.e., expensive veteran teachers) as possible can save us all from destruction.

And so that figure of the spirit, that man in touch with the soul of the universe, the Dalai Bloomberg, has come to us all with a plan to save humanity from total destruction.

Agree to the evaluation system the NYCDOE has put before the UFT leadership or else.

The phone hacking criminals running the NY Daily News concur - agree to the new system or suffer the wrath of the universe.

So what if the value-added measurement they're going to use on you is error-riddled, subject to wide swings in stability and will eventually tar every teacher as "ineffective" if they hang around long enough?

So what if the Danielson rubric has a 57 page checklist that will be used on you and it is nearly impossible (not to mention ludicrous) to be expected to hit all the criteria on the checklist in a 45 minute class, day-in and day-out, as the new evaluation system will mandate?

So what if the Student Learning Objectives process, which will account for 20% of the evaluation grade, will be complex, convoluted and useless?

So what if the education leaders at the NYCDOE, the NYSED, and the Regents are misleading the public about the "objectivity" and "scientific" nature of this system and know that it has been specifically designed to give districts the tools they need to shed thousands of teachers every year and turn the teaching profession into a right-to-work job?

We simply must agree to what the Dalai Bloomberg has put in front of us, even though we know the system is unfair, unjust and rigged or the world as we know it will end.

You have been warned, my friends - agree to the worst possible teacher evaluation system or be responsible for the end of humanity.

The future is in your hands.