Jon Stewart [hereafter “Jon”] opened the show with a few jokes about his notable guest:
“The mayor, Bill de Blasio, is here apparently with a shovel.” Today’s storm, Jon adds, “has provided the mayor with a chance for some snow removal redemption.”
[cut to: clip of Ch. 2 coverage of today’s snowstorm]
Jon: “De Blasio got an earful from the tony East Side residents used to Mayor Bloomberg carrying them individually from their apartments to the chopper. … So did de Blasio handle today’s snowstorm better?”
[cut to: Samantha Bee, ostensibly reporting from Times Square. She said “business is booming” in what she called a “landmark district,” including places like “ye olde Disney store."]
Jon asks: How’d it go out in Brooklyn today?
“Looking pretty good, Jon,” replied correspondent Jessica Williams, in beach clothes standing in front of a beach backdrop. “There are no traffic problems. In fact, it’s 82 degrees and it’s sunny.”
Jon: “Mayor de Blasio made it summer in Brooklyn? How is that possible?”
Jessica: “I don’t know, but the only snow in sight is right here.” She proceeds to eat a snow-cone. “The man loves Brooklyn, so, stay cool!”
Now onto Aasif Mandvi, who is “on” the Upper East Side.
“Not good, Jon,” he says, buried in a snowbank, only his head showing. “It seems de Blasio’s plows are actively bringing snow in.”
Jon: “Aasif, are you completely buried in a snowbank?”
Aasif: “I can’t move my legs, Jon. But hey, that’s life in de Blasio’s New York. He’s hellbent on making the city unlivable for the rich!” He adds, “Everyone’s so covered in snow that the Barneys security guards don’t even know who to detain anymore!”
Jon: “Everybody looks white, who do you hold?”
[There are machine gun sounds]
Aasif: “That’s the Somali warlords. They’ve kind of taken over Park Avenue.”
Jon asks why the Upper East Siders don’t just go downtown.
Aasif: “Downtown? No, no, Jon. They’re not going downtown.”
He's having extra snow plowed onto the UES - love it.