NEW YORK—At 4:32 p.m. Tuesday, every single resident of New York City decided to evacuate the famed metropolis, having realizing it was nothing more than a massive, trash-ridden hellhole that slowly sucks the life out of every one of its inhabitants.
With audible murmurs of "This is no way to live," "What the hell am I doing here—I hate it here," and "Fuck this place. Fuck this horrible place," all 8.4 million citizens in each of the five boroughs packed up their belongings and told reporters they would rather blow their brains out with a shotgun than spend another waking moment in this festering cesspool of filth and scum and sadness.
By 5:15 p.m. there was gridlock traffic on the outbound sides of the Holland and Lincoln tunnels, and the area's three major airports were flooded with New Yorkers, all of whom said they wanted to go anyplace where the pressure of 20 million tons of concrete wasn't constantly suffocating them.
"I always had this perverted sense of pride because I was managing to scrape by here," said Brooklyn resident Andrew McQuade, who, after watching two subway rats gnawing on a third bloody rat carcass, finally determined that New York City was a giant sprawling cancer. "Well, fuck that. I don't need to pay $2,000 a month to share a doghouse-sized apartment with some random Craigslist dipshit to prove my worth. I want to live like a goddamn human being."
"You see this?" added McQuade, pointing at a real estate listing for a duplex in Hagerstown, MD. "Two bedrooms, two baths, a den—a fucking den—and a patio. Twelve hundred a month. That's total, not per person."
Read the rest. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time.
I am certain there is a DIRECT analogue to teaching in the NYC public school system too.
Or just teaching in general.
Names named in the LA Times, president sets rules in place that encourage the firing of teachers then cheers when it happens, hedge fund criminals making education policy, scumbag monopolists funding education deform/union-busting and the unions pat them on the back for it, op-ed writers and columnists like Tom Friedman, Bob Herbert, Gail Collins, Nicholas Kristof, Bobo Brooks et al. calling for KIPP to run every school system in the nation...
Going back on Tuesday to a mice- and roach-infested hell hole that will be about 96 degrees and dirty. No new books, computers that don't work, but lots of new standards and test scores to be held accountable for. Class sizes of 34 students - 340 a year. And if some of those students decide test prep isn't too interesting to them and decide to stay home and watch Maury, it's my fault - even when I call home repeatedly and get a "I can't do anything with her" shrug from the parent...
Yeah, why am I doing this job?
Hell, why are ANY of us doing this job?
But rather than say "Fuck this job, I am leaving!" I'd rather say "Fuck the people who know nothing about the job and yet pontificate as if they do."
Fuck the politicians who scapegoat us for all the ills of society, do not give us the resources necessary to do the job they are asking us to do and then look to fire us when we can't do it.
And fuck Tom Friedman, Gail Collins, Bob Herbert, Bobo Brooks, Kristoff, Evan Thomas, Jonathan Alter and the rest of the media bozos who take dictation from hedge fund criminal Whitney Tilson every time they write a column about education.
Fuck Mistress Eva and Joel Klein and Mayor Bloomberg and Arne Duncan and Barack Obama and Bill Gates and Eli Broad and Michelle Rhee and her rapist/basketball playing fiance and hedge fund criminal Whitney Tilson and the Walton family and all the other assholes who have decided teachers are THE problem with public education.
Fuck the foundations and hedge fund criminals who fund these assholes.
Fuck 'em all.
Oh, and Johnny Cash says "Fuck you too!"